I’ve got a disease…

If you are a Rob Thomas / Matchbox 20 fan, the lyrics of that song should be running through your head.

If you are not, stop reading this now and go and download that song.  I’ll wait.

I do have a disease though.  More like a neurosis.  I have this fiery desire to have a 4.0 average in school.  You have been with me throughout this semester and you know that I am no model student.  An Arizona trip, skipping class because of a run – in with the law, procrastination, blogging and more procrastination have all seriously impeded the possibility for a special award upon graduation. 

You would think that all of these factors, to any logical and intelligent person would dictate that I should aim a little lower as far as my grades are concerned.  I guess that means I am none of those things because I am seriously working toward and hoping for a 4.0.

Ironically, I am not a fan of the 4.0.  I think it creates stress and a poor quality of life for anyone who tries to achieve it.  Once you have it you drive yourself and everyone around you absolutely bonkers trying to maintain it the following semester. 

I have achieved it before.   A few times actually.  It’s a drug – that’s what it is.  I remember wanting to laminate my grades and tape them to my forehead. 

If you knew me in high school or grade school you are laughing.  I can hear you.  You think this is comedy.  It kind of is.  In those years, I had all I could do to show up. 

So why now is it so darned important?  I don’t know.  It is a feeling of validation I guess.  

I was a college drop out for far longer in my life than I was a graduate.  It was intimidating as hell going back.  Having good grades really substantiates why I am doing this.  As shallow as it may seem, it substantiates my self-worth as a student. 

I only need a B average to graduate.  No job that I will ever apply to will care one hoot about my grade point average.  They don’t put your GPA on your diploma.  For all of these reasons, it really matters to no one but me if I have a 4.0.  For all of those reasons, I should stop trying to earn it.

But I just started my master’s program and right now my record is perfect because the grades aren’t in yet.  So the neurosis has kicked in.  I will be up late a lot these next few days trying to get my last of my papers just perfect in the hopes… the hopes that maybe one day…

I will get into a good mental institution.


Filed under adult education, Continuing Education, No Adult Left Behind

3 responses to “I’ve got a disease…

  1. I just found blogs in general and found yours. I started back to school in the fall semester after having been out of school for over 20 years. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! So stressful! My first semester went so well that I made the local papers, however, this semester is a little harder. I know that it is all about getting back into it. i could use some advice in regards to incorporating my new schedule into my old life.

    • Hello! First of all congratulations on going back to school! I think that it is really incredible to know that not only did you go back to school after 20 years but you did so well that you were recognized by your local paper. It is stories like yours that inspire people to follow your lead. I would love to know more. What are you studying? Do you have a link to the article where you were recognized?

      You are right. Going back to school is stressful at times. For me, it alternates between exciting and stressful. I would love to share stories with you and in that way it may be helpful to get through some of the harder times. If you have the time please let me know what you are struggling with, I am sure that I have had a relatable experience to share with you. Also, I have written a manuscript in the hopes that one day I can help returning adults on their college journey. If I know a little more about your challenges, I can post a chapter of the book that may be particularly helpful to you.

      I look forward to hearing more about your journey!

  2. Dierdre

    I know EXACTLY what you mean! The real reason you want a 4.0 is because you’re paying for it! And you want your money to be well spent!

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